A Reflection

The toughest, and busiest semester of my seminary career is over with a big sigh of relief. However, looking back on the past few months I am so grateful for all that I have learned. I have been stretched and challenged and have grown more than I thought possible. This semester I have learned many lessons. One of the greatest lessons I learned was about surrender. Most of my life I have been motivated by the fact that I did not want to waste my life. But I have realized that instead of depending upon the Lord to use my life for His will, I was instead in my own effort attempting to make my life useful, afraid of letting go. I don't know where the Lord will lead me, or where he will send me, but all I know now is that the only way not to waste my life is to completely surrender it to the Lord. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that each and every day is sweeter in growing closer to the Lord and being humbled by understanding more and more how much I truly do not deserve the grace in which the Lord so abundantly bestows upon me each and every day.

A Far as the East is from the West

Ps 103:1212 "As far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

I became a Christian at a very young age, and I think because of that I have often taken forgiveness for granted. Not that I intentionally sin because I know that I will be forgiven, but instead not acknowledging the amazing grace that there is in forgiveness ….until today. When asking for forgiveness from sins I often find myself listing off things I know where I have failed, Lord forgive me for gossiping etc. Today however as I searched my heart, I realized that I had to ask forgiveness for not placing God first in my life, which is not the first time I have had to confess this, it’s almost every day (which I’m ashamed to admit, the truth does hurt). But today it was different because it hit me that God is forgiving me, for not choosing him! He is forgiving me for the times in my life that I choose everything but him! Especially the things in life that are inanimate objects and have no real purpose such as books and television! Even though, everything that I own and do, the gifts that I have, life itself and ultimately eternity, all of that - I have because of Christ. And even through my foolishness of not always making Him the priority in my life, He still forgives. He still extends his grace. He still loves me. And Oh how much we don't deserve it! My prayer is that we not forget the amazing gift God gives to us in forgiveness no matter the sin, how big or how small it may seem as well as the price that was paid by Christ in our place for us to receive it. In Eph 1:7-8, Paul writes, "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." I love this verse because of the word lavish. Though I'm not a Greek scholar, the Greek word for lavish is perisseuo, which means to superabound (in quantity or quality), be in excess, be superfluous. What an amazing word picture of God pouring out his forgiveness on our lives. What an amazing God we serve!

Landing on the Ground

I have always considered myself a country girl stuck in the city. And in pursuit of my passions for the country when I moved here, I decided to take horseback riding lessons in the attempt of learning how to ride a horse. Instead of learning to ride a horse with a saddle, I soon found myself riding bareback. I quickly learned that my body had to be in direct rhythm of the horse in almost one fluid motion, otherwise I would very quickly be tasting dust and gasping for breath on the ground, which I experienced one too many times. As soon as I would start focusing on myself instead of the horse, I would get out of synch and end up on the ground. I find myself learning the same lesson when it comes to my relationship with God. I become too comfortable in my relationship with the Lord. I get out of synch and let things slip. I start focusing on myself instead of Him, and start to believe the lie that I can do it all by myself, because things seem to be going so well. But, I soon land on the ground and am quickly reminded of my complete and utter dependence on the Lord for everything. I’m so thankful for God’s grace, that even when I mess up, he still forgives. I’m so thankful that even though we don’t deserve it, he freely gives it to us, helping us up, restoring us to himself, and loving us beyond anything we can think or imagine. In Ex 15:2 it reads, “The LORD is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.”

Intentional Living

Have you ever been lost? I have gotten lost so many times that I have actually become good at getting unlost! I often take wrong turns, wrong exits and the wrong way. For many different reasons as well, sometimes I'm distracted, sometimes I'm talking, and sometimes the wrong way just seems and looks right. One time I dropped off a girl from church at her house and she gave me different directions back the freeway. It sounded easy enough so I thought I should try it. Over two hours later I found myself still driving around in circles and very quickly running out of gas. I usually have no problem stopping and asking for directions but it was a Sunday afternoon and no one was outside and there were no gas stations. I was trying not to panic yet I was running out of options and the feeling of desperation was starting to engulf me. I finally found someone mowing their lawn that was able to tell me how to get back to the freeway, after many prayers and searching, it was a great relief. The funny thing was, from where I was driving, I could see the freeway miles away down the hill, I just could not get there; no matter which road I took, I was still driving in circles. I think that we often "forget" what it feels to be "spiritually" lost and because we forget we have lost our sense of urgency to reach others for Christ. God has called each and every one of us to tell others about Jesus Christ, and has placed us in different life circumstances in which to fulfill his purpose for our lives whether we are stay-at-home moms, nurses, teachers, lawyers or bus drivers. We need to live our lives intentionally, remembering that we are on a mission, remembering that there are so many around us who are lost often seeking someone who can tell them how to get back to the freeway. Many are running out of gas and their time is short. There are many opportunities, we must be looking, seeking and be ready when they come. We can't let the busyness of life get in the way. As 1 Peter 3:15 reads, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." And as Christ commanded in Matthew 28:19 when He said, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" How will they know, unless we go, how will they know, unless we tell them there is hope, and there is a God who loves them so much, that He sent his one and only Son to die for them in their place." We must live intentially.

"Everyday there are people,
From this land and this nation
Crying to a god who can't hear them
Dying for a god who can't save them.
How will they know?
That there's a God who knows their name
How will they know?
That Christ has made a way for them to be saved.
How will they know?
Unless we go."

An Eternal Perspective

This may be confusing, but I'm going to try to communicate my thoughts as clearly as possible.
To some Ecclesiastes is a very negative and discouraging book. But for me it has always been encouraging. Why? The wisest man to ever live displays the greatest example of having an eternal perspective. He had everything the world had to offer riches, love, wealth, possessions, power etc. yet he realized that without God, it was all worthless. The life here on earth is short, and unless we plug into God’s plan will we find purpose to all that is “under the Sun.” In 2 Cor 4:18 Paul writes, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” What is an eternal perspective? It is not looking at life’s circumstances and life in general just in the “right here and right now” but looking at it in the light of eternity. When I really dwell upon having an eternal perspective, I realize how differently my prayers become. Instead of praying to get married, I then pray for the Lord to bring into my life whatever is necessary to accomplish his purpose and to bring others to Christ. Instead of praying for the situations in my life to get better, I pray that I will learn the lesson that I need to learn to become who God needs me to be to accomplish His will. Having an eternal perspective focuses our attention on God and his plan instead of our temporary dreams, desires and circumstances. Often times we do not understand what God is up to, or what he has in store for our life, and we never know what tomorrow holds, however we can pray that God will use us, and we can prepare out heart and our minds to be willing to go and do whatever God calls us to do, so that we can be used by God to accomplish his purpose for our lives.

Getting past emotions and seeing God

It is a well known consensus that women are more emotional than men. Whether or not that is actually true is still up for debate. But there is no doubt that women are emotional, and I am definitely no exception! I left for church this evening really feeling so blessed. Blessed that even though life may be difficult and busy at times, I have a wonderful Savior and Lord who loves me and has saved me. But as I drove home from church I found out that my parents had our family dog put to sleep. I was on my way at the time to IHOP to study. I got to IHOP and began reading my assigned reading for class which happened to be on the Doctrine of God. And right there, I basically broke down and started crying. How embarrassing is that. I was trying to cover it up by keeping my hair in front of my face. I read some, and then would think about my dog. And then thoughts of my dog led to everything else that didn't seem to be going right in life at the moment. The tears flowed down. My exaggerated thoughts led to me thinking that my life just didn't seem to be going as I thought it should be going. I'm not doing what I think I should be doing. I'm not surrounded by the people I think I should be surrounded by, and the tears flowed down. The thoughts of a blessed life that filled my thoughts just hours before had quickly vanished. My focus had gone from God to myself. But little did I realize that I was reading pages after pages after pages (during this emotional downpour in the middle of IHOP) about who God is. The God that created all, and is in all, and is all, is also a God who protects me, guides me, and surrounds me with His presence. He loves me, and has died for me. A God that is so indescribable and incomprehensible is also the God that puts his loving arms around me and holds me. It was then that I realized that I needed to get past the emotions and see God. Not that tears are not what we need sometime or that we are supposed to be unemotional, but that we need to see God, and to not let our pity party downpours get the best of us. I was on the right track before, I am blessed. Blessed beyond what I deserve or could imagine. And even though I don't always understand God's plan or see His hand, I know that I can trust Him and that is all that matters.

Embracing Trials

It may seem ironic to see the two words embracing trials side by side. When people think of embracing something it is usually something warm, loving and accepting. When a person thinks of a trial, they may think of suffering and hard times, so why would we want to embrace trials and suffering? In 1 Peter 1:6-7, Peter writes, "this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I have found myself not only attempting to run from difficult times and trials but also fearful of what trials may come my way. However, we need to embrace trials instead of respond by running. Why? Because it is during trials that our faith is stretched, it is during times of trials and suffering that our faith is grown. We are brought to a place often of brokenness and total surrender to God. We learn things that we could not have learned any other way and we experience an intimacy with the Heavenly Father because we come to a place that there is no where to turn but to Him. However, when trials do enter our life, we can run, run away from God, in bitterness and anger, because we don't understand in our human minds the purpose and plan in what we are going through. We know that trials are going to come our way. So how do we prepare ourselves to respond the way we should. We need to be digging into the word, and depending on the Lord even during the good times, even during the mountaintop experiences we must not forget the One who has brought us to that place. We must not forget the one who died to restore us back to himself. We must not forget the sacrifice that Christ paid for us on the cross. For whatever trials that may come our way will never compare to the suffering that Jesus paid on behalf of our sins.

Meaningless Life or Hope in Christ?

The book of Ecclesiastes has always given me perspective in life. The richest and wisest man ever to live, King Solomon poetically writes about the meaninglessness of life. To some, this may be depressing, but for me it is what gives me hope. Why? Because someone who owned more than I will never own, and did more than I will ever do knew that there was more to life than just life. In Eccl 12:13 “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments,”
I had a long discussion with one of my patients this week who is on the brink of having to give up everything she has to move to an assisted living. She is not that old, however can no longer drive, and will have to give away everything that she has known. The reality of how our possessions and physical keepsakes really do not matter seemed more apparent than ever before. We live and we die, and we take nothing with us. It is easy to get mixed up in the busyness of life as well as materialistic objects that we acquire. We should never forget however our purpose here on Earth because everything else is meaningless. We are to fear God, keep His commandments and share the message of Jesus Christ with those around us because nothing else matters. Because even though life in and of itself may be meaningless, through Christ we have hope.

My Evil, Ugly Twin

Ok, so I really don't have a "twin" per say, but when talking to a co-worker this week, she referred to her "carnal nature" as her evil twin, that likes to roar it's head every now and then, and I can definitely relate to the struggle. Working in the secular world has definitely been the greatest challenge in my Christian life to this day. Because when you work for 14 hours straight, people see you not just when you are bubbly, and full of joy and happiness but also when you are frustrated, sad, super stressed out, annoyed etc. I often find myself walking away from work feeling like a disappointment and failure at living out my life for Christ, because I'm ever so sure that my own "evil twin" had reared its ugly twin too many times. This struggle however I know is not a new one. Paul, a fellow brother-in-Christ and inspired author of many New Testament books also wrote about our old self. In Romans I love how Paul writes in chapter 7 verse 24 through 25 "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I myself am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh, to the law of sin." In chapter 6 verses 10-11 he writes, "For in that He died, He died to sin once for all; but in that He lives, He lives to God. So, you too consider yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, so that you obey its desires.
I also know that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens." (Eph 6:12) And that feeling defeating, is exactly where the enemy wants me to be. Phillippians 3:13b-14 states "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus." All I can do is press on and pursue Christ, forgetting what is behind but reaching for what is ahead.
One thing I must remember, because we are human and have "ugly, evil twins" the struggle is never going to end. That is why maintaining my prayer life and earnestly seeking the Lord through private devotion and reading of the word is essential to winning the battle, for we are a work in progress.
Philippians 4:6 "I a sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

The Flat Tires of Life

As a young single, living in the world today, my world and thoughts are often consumed with the “what-ifs” of life, such as what if I sleep through work, my cell phone isn’t charged and no one is here to wake me up? What if I wake up in the middle of the night and there is a roach on the wall? Or what if I never get married? And the most important, what if my tire goes flat, and I don’t know how to change it? No matter how many times I have wondered what would happen if this were to occur, how if I got a flat tire while driving down a lonely freeway I would just drive on the rim for miles and miles until I come to a gas station (I’ve seen it happen during car chases and it worked for them) because as a single woman we always need a plan, right?
One day after being at work sixteen hours, and being awake for over twenty-four hours I was in a rush to get home so that I could take a nap, get my carpets cleaned, a couch delivered and get ready to come back to work. At that moment, I was deliriously counting down the minutes until I could climb into bed and enjoy some moments of desperately needed sleep. As I walked into the parking garage and racked my brain to remember where my car had been parked, I finally remembered. As I neared my car, I cheerfully greeted the person pulling into the parking space next to me, I jumped into my driver’s seat, turned on the engine, and then the man that I just cheerfully had said hello to, now was tapping on my window. And at that moment, I knew that this day that I had dreaded for so long was now here, I had a flat tire. Ironically, however, none of my pre-dreamt scenarios seemed to fit the one I was in because I wasn’t on a lonely freeway, or in the middle of the downtown Fort Worth ghetto. I was instead in a covered area, with three kind people almost instantly willing to help me with this plight I had found myself in. In no time, what could have been a catastrophe was soon fixed. I had a fix-a-flat in my car, another of the guys had an air pump in his car, there was a place across the street that could put my spare on, and I made it to a tire place shortly after that was able to fix the tire. And in less than an hour and a half I was in my bed catching some zzzz’s.
Unlike the health and wealth prosperity gospel that so many Christians today are deceived by, we as Christians do face trials and difficulties in life no matter how strong our faith is. In fact, it seems when our faith is where it should be is when these trials seem to come our way in order to test our faith. We as Christians do get sick, we have financial struggles, our houses flood, we lose our jobs, we get cancer and have heart attacks, and… we do get flat tires. Because the promises in the bible are not that we won’t have difficulty, but that during the difficult times God will carry us through. One of the first verses that many of us learn as young children is Psalm 23. David writes in verse four, “Even though I was through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” And the life of Joseph and Job of how God used difficult circumstances to bring Him glory. I could never have imagined or dreamt that it would have happened just how it did, so why did I spend so many useless minutes dreaming up plans on how to rescue myself, or worrying and fearing over something I did not know if or how it would happen. I should have instead spent my energy trusting in the one who not only always is there for me, but also doesn’t have to dream how it will happen, why? Because He already knows!!